my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
