Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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