well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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