Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
