Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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