Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
