you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
