you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
