She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
