Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
