I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize