it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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