Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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