I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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