Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
