So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
