I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
