i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize