You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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