im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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