matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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