I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
