No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I party with great urgency now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
