I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
