I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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