We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
