a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
