I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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