I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
