Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
