She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i now understand why vodka
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
