i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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