My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
