Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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