i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
