you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
