I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i drank out of a bidet.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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