She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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