My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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