Sry I called you an 8
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BRING THE BAGELS
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
