Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
