Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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