i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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