We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
