There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
