Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
