Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
