Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
