I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i permit you to call me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
