The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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