he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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