Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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