I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
