planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
