I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
