I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
