I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I smell stomach acid.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
