Me too!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
