Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
