I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
