I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
