I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
