I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
