Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
