My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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