I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
