after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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