Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
